I have something I have to write about, and it's about a very divisive issue. It's possibly one of the most controversial viewpoints I have, and one that I'm the most passionate about.
Marriage discrimination. But it isn't just that I believe in marriage equality; of course I feel that anyone of a consenting age should be allowed to marry. Multiple times, even, if that's your thing. Where the true controversy comes is how I feel about my heterosexual, cisgendered peers getting legally married in the face of my not having the legal right to do so.
Before I dive into this, let me acknowledge some things. I shop at Target and Wal-Mart, use Microsoft products, own an iPod and am fond of iTunes. This is considered high-treason by some of my more radical queer brothers and sisters, as the primary way to let our voices be heard is through what we call "the queer dollar." The queer community has a lot of disposable income, and while companies may not respond to the cause of equality, they certainly respond to the cause of capitalism. When queers boycott companies in response to egregious violations of equality, companies feel it. I did boycott Target for six months in response to their anti-gay donations in 2010, and admired Lady Gaga for her rigid stance this past March when she found they were still making those donations. I use these companies, albeit not often, because no company spends money on purely pro-gay causes; they certainly don't hire only pro-queer employees or sell to only pro-queer customers. No company sells only products that are made by pro-queer manufacturers. I'm a careful shopper, but not a strictly queer one. I also use these companies because I'm not rich, and can't grocery shop exclusively according to the HRC Buyer's Guide, which is considered one of the foremost authorities on queer-friendly shopping. Trust, if I could shop at Whole Foods for everything I need, who has an HRC rating of 85, I would not buy cat litter from Wal-Mart, who scores a trifling 40 on that same report. (Target, for the record, also scores an 85.) However, that is not my fiscal reality. What I try to do is limit my use of these companies, but I won't avoid them altogether. Can I? Yes. Would it make my life easier? I have no idea. I don't believe corporate contributions have the same power as grass roots movements, which is where my true opinion comes in on marriage equality.
First, why does marriage equality matter? Because it's the last big game-changer, and so much is wrapped up in marital rights. Legally speaking, it's the last civil right the government will not give queer folks, and it's the most important. There are "1,138 benefits, rights and protections granted on the basis of marital status in Federal law." They include tax breaks, benefit protections and inheritance rights, which are privileges so fundamental, most heterosexual couples don't even realize they take them for granted.
FACT: There is no commitment queer people can make to earn them the same rights and protections as their cisgendered, heterosexual counterparts. Commitment ceremonies are not recognized by any legal authority. Civil unions are also not equal to legal marriage in terms of protections/privileges recognized by local or federal governments.
OPINION: I believe that queer folks not being able to marry keeps us socially in the ghetto. Not only does the rest of the world not take our relationships as seriously, we are kept in a state of perpetual adolescence by never being able to solemnize our relationships the way our heterosexual counterparts are.
As a service to my community, to myself, I do not attend legalized marriages. I would not eat at a restaurant, drink from a water fountain or attend a theater that did not permit my friends to eat, drink or be entertained with me. When I explain this, even to my most radical of queer friends, they cringe. We all have loved ones in our lives who are getting married, and some of us are even being asked to stand in ceremonies. To ask someone to not participate in this fundamental celebration of love and life is a lot to ask of people, so I don't ask anything. I choose, instead, to not attend marriages. It excludes and oppresses my community. It excludes and oppresses me.
I know my not attending weddings will not change laws; that's why I take the time to explain why I don't. It's because I need people to understand how much we are suffering by not having the same treatment and liberties as heterosexual citizens. Hopefully, the conversation will be furthered by this simple action; when someone asks "Where's Thea?," I hope someone says "She doesn't attend weddings."
And then, just maybe, a conversation will begin. Maybe more queers will join me in this stand against friendly fire...because an ally participating in something that discriminates against their friends isn't just counter-intuitive. It's hurtful.
If you won't stand with me, for whatever reason, then just respect why I stand where I stand. And I'll respect you, too.
Love makes a family. Marriage defends it. End marriage discrimination.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Stonewall For Dummies
Gay history is not being taught in schools to our youth. Some say there is no such thing, and others who do acknowledge gay history treat it as insignificant, unworthy of recording and retelling. It is not the story of one nation, ethnicity or gender, so it remains largely unwritten and unobserved. What we all fail to realize is that Gay History is the story of multiple nations, ethnicities and genders: it is the story of a fight for the basic civil right of people to love who they love. If I don't tell you, no one else may ever attempt it. Fellow queers, this is where you come from. This is your history. Please learn it, and pass it on.
Event: The Stonewall Riots
Date: 6/28/1969
Time: 1:20AM
Address: The Stonewall Inn
51 and 53 Christopher Street,
New York City, NY 10014
Short story:
Police raided a gay bar. The queers lost their shit. This riot started the gay rights movement in the United States. Every June, Gay Pride Month is celebrated in its honor.
Moderate story:
The Stonewall Inn was owned by mafia members, specifically the Genovese Family, specifically to target the gay population. It was the country's largest gay establishment, and was popular with the poorest and most hated members of Greenwich Village: gay men, drag queens, transvestites, transgenders, lesbians and homeless queer youth. Its biggest attraction was the ability to actually dance in the bar: gay bars were not typically permitted to allow dancing. As it had no liquor license, once a week the police would arrive to pick up an envelope of cash as a bribe to let the bar remain open.
The police raids, being fairly common in the 1960's, usually started the same way it did that night: The Public Morals Squad had dispatched 4 undercover, plain clothes policemen and women, who arrived at The Stonewall Inn to get visual evidence of homosexual activity. With around 200 patrons in the bar, they signaled the rest of the Squad outside...4 plain clothes officers, 2 uniformed officers, a detective and an inspector. They turned on the lights, turned off the music, and announced "Police. We're taking the bar."
Police would often beat and harass those being arrested, and would notify the press of their raids so that pictures could be taken for the next morning's paper. Patrons were to be lined up, made to present their identification, and sorted into two groups: those who were definitely being arrested, and those who needed further scrutiny. Individuals dressed like women were to be taken into a bathroom by a female police officer to have their gender verified. Any men dressed as women were immediately arrested. Those identified as lesbians were also immediately arrested, and were fondled by officers as they were being frisked. Those few not being arrested were pushed or kicked out of the bar. The bar's liquor would be seized by the police, loaded into police vehicles and hauled away. Most of the patrons at Stonewall that night had no idea what was happening as the police took over the bar, and though confusion spread, something else was spreading, too.
Trouble began slowly: transvestites and transgendered folks refused to go with the officers to have their genitals inspected. Men in line to be arrested refused to give up their identification. A crowd was gathering outside, and not just of patrons who had been let go by police: passersby and neighbors began collecting to watch the raid. First, the mafia members were loaded; the crowd cheered. Next, the bar employees; the crowd hushed, and someone yelled "Gay Power!" As the patrons began being loaded, the gathering group of spectators got increasingly hostile, singing "We Shall Overcome" and cheering the freed patrons that were mocking the police.
A butch lesbian, bleeding from the head after being hit with a billy club for complaining that her handcuffs were too tight, looked at a gathering crowd in front of the Stonewall Inn. No one knows her name, and no picture of her exists, but her question sparked a fight, turning a crowd into a mob and a spontaneous resistance into a riot.
"Why don't you guys do something?"
A police officer picked her up and threw her into the back of the wagon.
The crowd exploded with anger.
The homeless youth that slept in nearby Christopher Park led the charge, and hundreds of queer people followed. Beer cans, coins and rocks began being thrown; police vehicles had their tires slashed. Fights between citizens and police officers began, culminating in screaming protesters chasing police officers for blocks. Officers barricaded themselves inside the Stonewall Inn for safety, but to no avail. Bricks and garbage cans were used to break windows into the bar; a parking meter was used as a makeshift battering ram. Lighter fluid was poured into a broken window, and a fire was set to smoke the police out. Weapons drawn, police opened the door and took aim; luckily the fire trucks arrived and prevented gun fire. The riot has swelled to nearly 600 people, destroying property and fighting police. As riot police arrived, lines of rioters formed a chorus line, kicking their legs and singing in the face of the helmeted, shielded task force officers. The riot police line clashed violently with the kick line, and the battle raged on. Street fighting ended around 4AM that morning, and began the next day as both sides antagonized each other.
No one can say what combination of events set the whole riot into motion; after all, these people did not really know each other, and did not know about the raid ahead of time. Police raids were common, but this one ended differently than all others before it. Some say it was the oppressive heat of the New York City summer, while others claim it was the particular brutality of the police that night. Some even claim that the gay community's grief over Judy Garland's death just days before the riot was partly to credit. What *is* known is that it went on for days, and began an annual day of remembrance for those who fought against the tide of hate and intolerance that night. The repeated cries from the gay community during that weekend, in New York and across America, to get the "mafia and cops out of gay bars" began a trend of gay establishments being opened and run by members of the gay community. Destroyed by the riot and blackened from fire, The Stonewall Inn was boycotted by local gays in New York for its mafia ties and closed later that same year. Throughout the years, it became home to many different restaurants and other businesses, and was named a National Historic Landmark in 2000. In the late 90's, The Stonewall Inn was purchased and run as a bar until 2006, when it folded under mismanagement. In 2007, it re-opened under new ownership as a gay bar, and has flourished ever since.
Long story: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonewall_riots
Event: The Stonewall Riots
Date: 6/28/1969
Time: 1:20AM
Address: The Stonewall Inn
51 and 53 Christopher Street,
New York City, NY 10014
Short story:
Police raided a gay bar. The queers lost their shit. This riot started the gay rights movement in the United States. Every June, Gay Pride Month is celebrated in its honor.
Moderate story:
The Stonewall Inn was owned by mafia members, specifically the Genovese Family, specifically to target the gay population. It was the country's largest gay establishment, and was popular with the poorest and most hated members of Greenwich Village: gay men, drag queens, transvestites, transgenders, lesbians and homeless queer youth. Its biggest attraction was the ability to actually dance in the bar: gay bars were not typically permitted to allow dancing. As it had no liquor license, once a week the police would arrive to pick up an envelope of cash as a bribe to let the bar remain open.
The police raids, being fairly common in the 1960's, usually started the same way it did that night: The Public Morals Squad had dispatched 4 undercover, plain clothes policemen and women, who arrived at The Stonewall Inn to get visual evidence of homosexual activity. With around 200 patrons in the bar, they signaled the rest of the Squad outside...4 plain clothes officers, 2 uniformed officers, a detective and an inspector. They turned on the lights, turned off the music, and announced "Police. We're taking the bar."
Police would often beat and harass those being arrested, and would notify the press of their raids so that pictures could be taken for the next morning's paper. Patrons were to be lined up, made to present their identification, and sorted into two groups: those who were definitely being arrested, and those who needed further scrutiny. Individuals dressed like women were to be taken into a bathroom by a female police officer to have their gender verified. Any men dressed as women were immediately arrested. Those identified as lesbians were also immediately arrested, and were fondled by officers as they were being frisked. Those few not being arrested were pushed or kicked out of the bar. The bar's liquor would be seized by the police, loaded into police vehicles and hauled away. Most of the patrons at Stonewall that night had no idea what was happening as the police took over the bar, and though confusion spread, something else was spreading, too.
Trouble began slowly: transvestites and transgendered folks refused to go with the officers to have their genitals inspected. Men in line to be arrested refused to give up their identification. A crowd was gathering outside, and not just of patrons who had been let go by police: passersby and neighbors began collecting to watch the raid. First, the mafia members were loaded; the crowd cheered. Next, the bar employees; the crowd hushed, and someone yelled "Gay Power!" As the patrons began being loaded, the gathering group of spectators got increasingly hostile, singing "We Shall Overcome" and cheering the freed patrons that were mocking the police.
A butch lesbian, bleeding from the head after being hit with a billy club for complaining that her handcuffs were too tight, looked at a gathering crowd in front of the Stonewall Inn. No one knows her name, and no picture of her exists, but her question sparked a fight, turning a crowd into a mob and a spontaneous resistance into a riot.
"Why don't you guys do something?"
A police officer picked her up and threw her into the back of the wagon.
The crowd exploded with anger.
The homeless youth that slept in nearby Christopher Park led the charge, and hundreds of queer people followed. Beer cans, coins and rocks began being thrown; police vehicles had their tires slashed. Fights between citizens and police officers began, culminating in screaming protesters chasing police officers for blocks. Officers barricaded themselves inside the Stonewall Inn for safety, but to no avail. Bricks and garbage cans were used to break windows into the bar; a parking meter was used as a makeshift battering ram. Lighter fluid was poured into a broken window, and a fire was set to smoke the police out. Weapons drawn, police opened the door and took aim; luckily the fire trucks arrived and prevented gun fire. The riot has swelled to nearly 600 people, destroying property and fighting police. As riot police arrived, lines of rioters formed a chorus line, kicking their legs and singing in the face of the helmeted, shielded task force officers. The riot police line clashed violently with the kick line, and the battle raged on. Street fighting ended around 4AM that morning, and began the next day as both sides antagonized each other.
No one can say what combination of events set the whole riot into motion; after all, these people did not really know each other, and did not know about the raid ahead of time. Police raids were common, but this one ended differently than all others before it. Some say it was the oppressive heat of the New York City summer, while others claim it was the particular brutality of the police that night. Some even claim that the gay community's grief over Judy Garland's death just days before the riot was partly to credit. What *is* known is that it went on for days, and began an annual day of remembrance for those who fought against the tide of hate and intolerance that night. The repeated cries from the gay community during that weekend, in New York and across America, to get the "mafia and cops out of gay bars" began a trend of gay establishments being opened and run by members of the gay community. Destroyed by the riot and blackened from fire, The Stonewall Inn was boycotted by local gays in New York for its mafia ties and closed later that same year. Throughout the years, it became home to many different restaurants and other businesses, and was named a National Historic Landmark in 2000. In the late 90's, The Stonewall Inn was purchased and run as a bar until 2006, when it folded under mismanagement. In 2007, it re-opened under new ownership as a gay bar, and has flourished ever since.
Long story: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonewall_riots
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Room With a Q
I began embracing "queer" as a gender and sexual identity about 2 years ago, when my best friend/ex-girlfriend Crunchy Goth began seeing a cisgendered, heterosexual man, whom I will affectionately dub Captain Cucumber. While we had both slept with men before, well after we had come out as lesbians, neither of us had ever had a relationship with one while facing the queer community. She and I both knew the nasty connotation that the word "bisexual" carried for the LGBT community, and it just didn't fit well. The term "bisexual" is not a kind thing to call someone in the queer female community; it's one of those words that conjures up a whole slew of other thoughts in the minds of those who hear it. If I said the word "apple" to you, you may think of the color red, or green if you prefer Granny Smith apples. You may think of the way your mouth waters when you bite into one, or that time Timmy Fitzgivens stuffed apples in his pants and exclaimed that his balls were growing out of control. My point is, certain words inspire vivid thoughts to be associated with them. "Bisexual" conjures ruminations about things like Katy Perry's insipid song about women dabbling in homosexuality, while they already have a boyfriend. In this instance, it makes light of a very real issue in the queer female world...being treated like a novelty by the heterosexual world. Lesbians and queer women are often either dismissed as a joke or used for sexual stimulation by the media at large; think about virtually every "lesbian" porn you have ever seen. (Not the Crashpad Series. I'm talking about the porn where the girls have really long hair, really long nails, wear pearls and heels and aren't opposed to letting a guy step in.) Bisexual women, in more civic-minded circles, are also dubbed "patient zero" for the lesbian community from a public health point of view. They are considered gateways to STDs, as they sleep with men *and* women. Stereotypes surrounding the word "bisexual" make it synonymous with other words, like "trouble" and "drama." From what I've gathered, most queer women would rather be left for another woman than for a man; in some circles, it's considered a high insult to be left for a guy.
Disclaimer: Having two ex-girlfriends who began dating men almost immediately after we broke up, I have fought that battle. I know the pain and inexplicable shame involved in shaking the cisgendered, heterosexual guy's hand who's banging my ex-girlfriend. I've endured my other queer female friends teasing me about it, how I'm the last stop on the train to Straightland for my exes. There have also been nasty words created for these bisexual souls who happen to be with men now, like "hasbians." This is not only hurtful to me, but a very unfair way to define these women; you don't just "turn straight" anymore than you suddenly "turn gay." Gender and sexuality are fluid, and sometimes people just happen to love each other regardless of gender. What is gender but a mental expression of a biological endowment?
Bottom line...identifying as "bisexual" isn't much fun in some queer spaces, and it can be really hard to be with one, as well as deal with the fallout of breaking up with one. So CG and I decided to reclaim "queer", as it's an all-encompassing word for the whole of the LGBT community. It gets the point across that we don't identify as exclusively heterosexual or homosexual, and that we don't intend to.
That's where the title of this blog comes from, and I'm sure, a recurring theme of anything I write on it.
Disclaimer: Having two ex-girlfriends who began dating men almost immediately after we broke up, I have fought that battle. I know the pain and inexplicable shame involved in shaking the cisgendered, heterosexual guy's hand who's banging my ex-girlfriend. I've endured my other queer female friends teasing me about it, how I'm the last stop on the train to Straightland for my exes. There have also been nasty words created for these bisexual souls who happen to be with men now, like "hasbians." This is not only hurtful to me, but a very unfair way to define these women; you don't just "turn straight" anymore than you suddenly "turn gay." Gender and sexuality are fluid, and sometimes people just happen to love each other regardless of gender. What is gender but a mental expression of a biological endowment?
Bottom line...identifying as "bisexual" isn't much fun in some queer spaces, and it can be really hard to be with one, as well as deal with the fallout of breaking up with one. So CG and I decided to reclaim "queer", as it's an all-encompassing word for the whole of the LGBT community. It gets the point across that we don't identify as exclusively heterosexual or homosexual, and that we don't intend to.
That's where the title of this blog comes from, and I'm sure, a recurring theme of anything I write on it.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)